My dad was always there...ALWAYS. Almost all my childhood memories include him. I can remember him taking us to a Cardinal's ballgame EVERY summer. We had nose bleed seats but we always took our gloves along to catch that one REALLY out-of-bounds ball. I can remember him missing the exit for 70 a few times and having to take 55 and get off on the Assumption black-top to get home. He took us to Six Flags, he took us to the Zoo. He took us to Disney World, and to Cincinnati for a Reds game that one random summer that Matt was a Red's fan and then to King's Island. He took us on a dreadfully boring family vacation one time to Mississippi and Tennessee to visit Civil War memorials, although I think that vacation was more for Matt too. He was always pushing the history, that's one love that I acquired from my dad. But anyway, in addition to the vacations he was the super dad of the neighborhood. When we lived on 20th street, every summer all the neighborhood kids would gather in that front yard that looked gigantic at the time, but now seems quite tiny, and dad would start up ball games. We would play in that front yard until dark...he was always the pitcher, but occasionally would let another kid toss the ball so he could help us make sure that we got that batting stance right. I remember him teaching me how to swim in the CCC pool. And when he had to take us to work with him he would give us handfuls of quarters to play Ms. Pac-Man and if we were really lucky the bar was closed and we could go downstairs and play pinball. When I was still pretty young he used to get up every morning and get the deposit ready from the previous night's sales at the pizza place, he had a rubber stamp that he used on all the backs of the checks and I used to love it when he let me be his helper and stamp the checks. Then we'd go to the bank and get suckers, every kids dream.
Even more than all the "playing" at home he did, he was the coach of everything. Laura's softball teams, my softball teams, Matt's little league teams...heck he loved it so much that he even put a batting cage in our backyard. I like to think that everyone else enjoyed having my dad as the coach as much as we did. He was pretty cool. When he wasn't the coach he was at every game cheering us on, golf matches, track meets, junior high and high school basketball games (not me of course), and any thing else we did. Yes, even band and chorus concerts. He probably didn't want to do all of them, but he did it anyway and was usually the first one to say "good-job" unless we really screwed up then it was more along the lines of "why did you do that" or one of my favorites in golf "When you were on hole #4, shot #2 what club did you use?"
My dad taught us a lot of things too. He taught me a lot about work ethic. You can't expect anyone to give you a handout. He always placed an emphasis on the importance of education...which is probably partly why I have 2 degrees. It's a running joke that I got 2 degrees before he finished one. He jokes that he is going to give Eastern enough money that they give him an honorary degree someday. I think that's cheating, another lesson that he tried to instill in us. Honestly may not always be the easiest way but its the only way. He tried to teach us about money issues and not spending more than we have on stuff we don't need. I remember talking to him about drugs and him telling me that it would screw up my life and about alcohol which he said to drink in moderation (apparently that rule doesn't apply to him, ha). One of the lessons that hits home the most is about respect. He always said that it is NEVER okay for a man to lay a hand on a woman in anger and it's never okay for a man to talk down to a woman. To this day that is still something that will get him upset. He taught us that we are valuable, that we are important and that no one has the right to disrespect us. In addition to him telling us this he modeled it in a way that I am eternally greatful for. In the 31 years that I have walked on this Earth I have never seen my parents in an argument. Sure they have had disagreements, but with everything that our family has gone through I have never seen my father or my mother raise their hand or voice in anger towards one another. That is a gift that every parent should be able to give their child and I am so happy that my parents gave that gift to Laura, Matt and I. That is something that I hold with me when I think about my dad's character.
Like my previous post about my mother, my father also made sure that we were exposed to some wonderful male role models. Of course I don't remember being with them as much as the women, but I think that's because I am a daughter and not a son. But I have very fond memories of my Uncle Dave and my Uncle Brian. For the most part, their fathering styles were very similar if not identical to my fathers. They loved their families immensely and were ALWAYS there. We spent a lot of time at Uncle Brian's house, they lived across the street and Aunt Trina babysat us. Uncle Brian took us fishing and mushroom hunting. He also coached softball when I was a little older and dad was traveling more with Laura for golf. I remember one particular game when I was probably about 14 years old. I had just pitched the championship game and we won against our biggest rivals. Uncle Brian ran out onto that field and was so excited, he spun me around and hugged me so hard I didn't even know what was happening. Uncle Brian was the first one offer up an "atta girl" and push you and encourage you to keep giving it your all...and after all these years he is still that guy. When I was in Junior High track Uncle Dave was around a lot. His son David was usually practicing and even after David Lee was finished Uncle Dave would stick around and give me pointers. Uncle Dave though was also a lot like Aunt Karen and if he caught you misbehaving and doing something that stupid teenagers do, he would jump all over you and try to get you back on track. Even to this day, I know that my Uncles want the best for me and would discipline me if they had to. I know that they love me and I hope they know how much I love them. All three of these men set such positive examples of what a father and a man should be, it's no wonder that the younger generation has turned out to be just like them. I watch my cousin Paul and my brother Matt with their families and I know that they learned from the best. Their children and families are their priorities and there is nothing more special than that.
As much as I credit my father for being there, and as many good memories that I have from the past, it's even better seeing my dad with his grandkids. Leah loves her "papa". She sees pictures of him and her face lights up as she says "papa". His face lights up when he sees her too, but he won't admit it. It was so special this past Christmas watching my niece Macy and Leah play Santa and pass out the presents. Dad relished having them around and was happily snapping pictures of them with their gifts. I look forward to more memories like this.
I have to credit these men for providing the examples of what a "real man" should be. I think knowing what to look for, learning about the right values helped me when it came time for me to decide who should be the father of my own children. While Mitch is very different from my own father in some ways, they have some very similar qualities. So thank you to the "grand" fathers in my life. They were amazing fathers and now they are amazing grandfathers. These are some of my favorite quotes from a book I got Mitch last year called Why a Daughter Needs a Dad, by Gregory E. Lang.
- A daughter needs a dad to teach her that she is equal to her husband.
- A daughter needs a dad to share with her the wisdom that she has not yet acquired.
- A daughter needs a dad to give her a strong willful character.
- A daughter needs a dad to teach her that ignorance is not an excuse for anything.
- A daughter needs a dad to teach her that a man's strength is not the force of his hand or his voice, but the kindness of his heart.
- A daughter needs a dad to teach her what kind of man to chose to be the father of her children.
- A daughter needs a dad who will always make sure she has a place to call home.
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